Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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