dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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