he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
