it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
