FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
