I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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