too bad you live with your parents still
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
