What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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