it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
