I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
