dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
