You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
