The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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