Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
