I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
