oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
