I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
