I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
