so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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