I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize