i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
