sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
