I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
