I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize