I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We left the knife in your bed.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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