He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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