That's intense
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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