I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
