A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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