I think my fart just growled at me.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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