also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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