she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
