She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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