My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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