my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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