I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
