We won't sleep together?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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