I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize