Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
