Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
