So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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