yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
