Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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