I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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