No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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