You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
