Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
