his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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