So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
