Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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