We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
