maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
