dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
