Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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