My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Randomize
