Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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