but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
