Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
