I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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