Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
