i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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