worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
