my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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