so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
