Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
