some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize