I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
