its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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